Do Manners Still Matter?

Faye de Muyschondt, an etiquette expert and founder of socialskilz:-) etiquette school in Manhattan, shares some of the rude behavior she sees in kids due to the digital age and how to instill good manners in kids, plus getting kids to behave at the dinner table.


In honor of National Children’s Good Manners Month (yes, it’s a thing!), we spoke to Faye de Muyschondt, founder of Manhattan’s socialsklz:-) etiquette school, about whether good manners are still necessary in today’s high-tech, fast-paced world.

What do you consider to be some of the rudest things kids do today?

We hear a lot about this being the “me, me, me” generation, and it’s true that kids can be very self-absorbed. But, to be fair, it’s not necessarily the child’s fault—it’s more a generational issue. Kids just don’t get the same amount of social interaction if they’re staring at their phones. When I was growing up, I had 10 times the amount of social interaction that kids do these days. So, one of the biggest problems I see today is with modern technology. It’s frustrating, because kids are growing up without being exposed to the norms of regular manners [and] nobody is teaching these skills. It’s kind of assumed that kids will pick up these skills by themselves, but how do they learn respect if we haven’t actually taught them what it is and how to show it?

Studies show that simple good manners can result in an average 11-percent gain in academic performance over six months. What do you believe is the reason for this relationship?

There’s no question that school is a very social experience—and if a child is not faring well socially, there is a direct correlation with academic performance. When we see poor interaction between peers, or with teachers, it can mean a child gets overlooked, or rejected, or is constantly sent to the principal’s office. This has a direct impact on the child’s confidence and learning.

One of the hot topics for most parents is table manners. How do you advise handling kids when they misbehave at the table?

Parents feel like they’re being nags when they’re trying to instill good table manners, and it makes for an unpleasant dining experience. I tell parents, don’t make focusing on dining skills an “every day” thing. The most important thing is to have an enjoyable family meal. So, instead of battling every time you’re at the table, dedicate yourself to it on, maybe, a Saturday night when you have the patience—and aren’t just back from work. Going out to dinner should be a pleasant experience, not the place to be reprimanding your child.

RELATED: 7 Tips for Teaching Kids Table Manners

What are the most important lessons kids need to learn about social media and the digital world?

Every household is different, but you must set up your technology rules. In most cases, no one has taught their child what to post, how often, and what you should and shouldn’t do online. I send my students home with a digital contract for them to go over with their parents. Knowledge is empowering. If you don’t know what your kid is doing on his device then you are not going to be an empowered parent. I suggest you know what apps your child is using and what his passwords are. You are responsible for your child’s digital life at the end of the day. It’s a privilege to have that device, and it can be rescinded easily if the rules of the household aren’t followed.