9 Ways to Be a Good Divorced Dad

As a lawyer who champions dads' rights during divorce, Jeffery M. Leving shares nine bits of wisdom to be a good dad while going through a divorce.

Being a father has its challenges, but being a divorced dad has its own set of additional obstacles, which at times can feel overwhelming.

I’ve watched divorced dads tackle these obstacles for the past 30 years. As a lawyer, I’ve championed the fathers’ rights movement by fighting, together with my law firm, for the rights of dads in divorce and custody matters. From that experience, I’ve put together this list of nine things you can do to be a better divorced dad.

1. Make the most of a restrictive custody agreement.

Often, a custody agreement is restrictive and you may be concerned that it will affect your relationship with your children. Don’t give up hope if you feel this way. Capitalize on your ex-partner’s need for help with the children on certain days or times. No matter what the agreement says, the reality is that opportunities will likely arise for you to spend more time with your kids. Take advantage of this. 

RELATED: Secrets to Successful Co-Parenting

2. Don’t let guilt cloud your decisions.

Some divorced fathers have overwhelming feelings of guilt. A father may wrongly feel the failure of the marriage is completely his fault. As such, he will punish himself by agreeing to a settlement that is completely unfair to him. Don’t let guilt be your guide for these important decisions.

3. Manage your anger.

Anger can build barriers between father and child. Some men may direct their anger about a divorce toward their ex-partner or transfer it onto their children, which can damage those relationships. If anger is building a wedge between a healthy relationship with your child, seek counseling before irreparable harm is done.

4. Observe your children closely.

Good divorced dads recognize that divorce can affect their children in many ways. Pay attention to what your kids do and say. If you notice any behavioral changes, address them as soon as possible. Generally, communicating openly and honestly is what your children craves in these situations. If you need professional help, don’t be afraid to seek it out.

RELATED: How to Help Children Handle Divorce

5. Avoid stirring up jealousy.

Ideally, you will not start a new relationship until the divorce is final. However, if you strike up a romance while your divorce is being processed, be discrete. If your ex-partner becomes jealous, it may drag out settlement negotiations, which can put further stress on your relationship with your children.