How to Turn Your Child's Teen Years into an Age of Opportunity

On the flipside, ultimately it’s not that bad to delay adulthood! Heightened brain plasticity means that the longer the adolescence is, the more the ‘window’ stays open. Then again, it depends on what you’re doing. Are you watching talking cats on YouTube, or learning through new experiences?

American teenagers lead the developed world in binge drinking, college dropouts, and youth violence. How can we as a society, and as parents, stop the cycle?
There are many things we can do, but whether we actually do these things is a political question. We certainly need to address the high school calendar. The prime time for adolescent mischief is between 3pm and 6pm, right when mom and dad aren’t home. So we need communities and schools to provide things for teens to do. We need to keep them busy with sports, extra classes, etc. Another solution is to make schools more difficult, more challenging, and less boring. We are afraid of seeing our kids fail, but it’s only through failure that you see persistence, determination, and grit. These noncognitive skills are better predictors of who does well than grades and talent.

You note that one-third of all students who enroll in college never graduate, and that more college freshmen need remedial education than have ever taken a single AP class. What is your theory behind these statistics?
Simply put: Our high schools are too easy. Government tests that indicate patterns of achievement show that while fourth grade and eighth grade have improved, 12th grade hasn’t improved at all in 40 years. This is what kids themselves tell us in surveys. One out of 6 students says he’s never taken a single difficult class. The kids can’t oversee themselves, and they’re just not challenged or prepared enough.

How, in a nutshell, can parents make a difference in the way they bring up their adolescent child?
Well, 50 years of research shows that kids raised by authoritative parents score higher in terms of self-control, have better peer relationships, and are less likely to have sociological problems. This isn’t an opinion, it’s a fact. If we can help kids develop better self-regulation, we will improve the health and well-being of the nation as a whole. In my book I list the specific steps that parents can take, including lessening the chances that your child goes through early puberty, reducing his or her exposure to stress, and not being afraid to love your child too much.

Finally, is there any hope for the teenage soul?
Historically, adolescence has always been a challenge. Even Aristotle said kids are “cheeky” and can’t control their impulses. That element of adolescence is clearly “part of the program,” it’s hardwired. However, the approach to raising an adolescent should not be a self-fulfilling prophecy: You’ll get what you expect if you expect it. That’s one of the reasons I wrote the book. If parents can just adapt their approach, they will discover that adolescents are funny, observant, intelligent, and engaging.

Dr. Laurence Steinberg is a professor of psychology at Temple University. He is a nationally recognized expert on psychological development during adolescence, and is the author of more than 350 articles and essays on growth and development during the teenage years. He is the author or editor of 17 books.